HomeLog in
Latest topics
» Do I Go?by Nothing Sun Jul 19, 2009 9:04 pm
» Count to 100
by 49hacker Sat May 09, 2009 8:21 pm
» Word Association
by 49hacker Sat May 09, 2009 8:20 pm
» Is it..?
by chimes- Tue Apr 21, 2009 2:46 pm
» Something's Wrong With Me
by Satanic Mon Apr 13, 2009 1:22 pm
» Valentine Cookie
by chung chin Fri Apr 10, 2009 9:27 am
» Don't F**k with the Irish
by chung chin Thu Apr 09, 2009 5:51 pm
» Pain for plesure
by chimes- Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:58 pm
» What would you like to see in this forum?
by 49hacker Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:06 pm
First Love
3 posters
Graphic Artist :: Writing Zone :: Poetry
Page 1 of 1
First Love
by Eissa_Me_Mario Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:59 pm
I've loved you since I met you,
Though there's nothing I can do.
You've really hurt my feelings,
And I deserve better than you.
I thought you said you loved me,
But I guess I heard wrong.
It's not going to help to come over here,
And sing a pathetic love song.
You hurt me with the truth,
You said you didn't care.
But you know? In my mind,
I really don't think that's fair.
Being with you,
Made my world seem worth while.
You can't just pretend like you don't know me,
And put me away in some ex-girlfriend file.
To you, my feelings mean nothing,
To me they mean the world.
You cannot get rid of
The love that we shared.
You ruined my life,
Made my heart bleed.
Love is like money,
You can also take it out of greed.
The words you said to me,
Though as gentle as a dove,
Made me think,
So much for my first love.
Though there's nothing I can do.
You've really hurt my feelings,
And I deserve better than you.
I thought you said you loved me,
But I guess I heard wrong.
It's not going to help to come over here,
And sing a pathetic love song.
You hurt me with the truth,
You said you didn't care.
But you know? In my mind,
I really don't think that's fair.
Being with you,
Made my world seem worth while.
You can't just pretend like you don't know me,
And put me away in some ex-girlfriend file.
To you, my feelings mean nothing,
To me they mean the world.
You cannot get rid of
The love that we shared.
You ruined my life,
Made my heart bleed.
Love is like money,
You can also take it out of greed.
The words you said to me,
Though as gentle as a dove,
Made me think,
So much for my first love.
Last edited by Choni on Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
Eissa_Me_Mario- Active member
-
Number of posts : 99
Money :
Registration date : 2009-02-10
Profile Comments
Dungeon: 20
Re: First Love
by Ruri Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:04 pm
First thing I notice... the blue is REALLY hard to read.
Another good poem though. Again, some lines have (in my opinion) one or two too many syllables. Great work though
Another good poem though. Again, some lines have (in my opinion) one or two too many syllables. Great work though
Ruri- Populer member
-
Number of posts : 160
Money :
Registration date : 2009-02-17
Profile Comments
Dungeon: 20
Re: First Love
by Eissa_Me_Mario Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:08 pm
haha yeah sorry about the colour
But thanks
and thank you for the constructive critasisim
But thanks
and thank you for the constructive critasisim
Eissa_Me_Mario- Active member
- Number of posts : 99
Money :
Registration date : 2009-02-10
Profile Comments
Dungeon: 20
Re: First Love
by chung chin Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:15 pm
Awesome poem!! I have to agree with Ruri though, some places do have a few too many syllables. Other than that the poem was very well written! 
chung chin- Populer member
- Number of posts : 113
Location : Somewhere is this godforsaken world
Money :
Registration date : 2009-02-20
Profile Comments
Dungeon: 20
Eissa_Me_Mario- Active member
- Number of posts : 99
Money :
Registration date : 2009-02-10
Profile Comments
Dungeon: 20
Graphic Artist :: Writing Zone :: Poetry
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum|
|
|